UNIVERSITY COUNSELING SERVICES

Living with Intention

by William Hale, Ph.D., UCS/CBH

Whether you think you can or think you can't, either way, you are right.

Henry Ford

We have all heard the old sayings: Like attracts like; You reap what you sow; What goes around comes around. There is nothing mystical or magical about the concept that we most often get what we intend to get in our lives — not wish or hope for, but intend to get. When we hold onto beliefs about ourselves or our world, we will respond according to what we expect to get. When we expect certain situations in our lives, or reactions from others, we are mentally practicing our behaviors which draw the expected responses and/or consequences, and, consciously or unconsciously, we tend to act in ways that match our expectations.

Consider this scenario: You have reluctantly accepted an invitation to a party. You dread parties because you never have a good time — nobody ever talks to you and you end up hanging out alone in a corner all night, meeting no one and leaving, having had a miserable time. You walk into the party believing that you will not have fun. What kind of expression do you think you would have on your face? What kind of body language would you exhibit? On the other side of this, how do you think others will respond to these cues? If you have negative expectations about your experience, others will sense it and react accordingly. Chances are that no one would approach you because you will appear unapproachable. Your prophecy will be most likely self-fullfilling.

Now consider this scenario: You decide to change your mind about what kind of experience you want to have at the same party. Even if it is unfamiliar and difficult, you walk into the room intending to meet people and have fun. How might your face and body language reflect this change of attitude? You would be smiling, making eye contact, and appearing much more approachable. More importantly, how might people in the room react differently to you? (Which "you" would you rather see walking through the door? Which one would you be more inclined to talk to?) Again, your intentions would have a significant impact on the outcome for that evening.

If you have the will to win, you have achieved half your success; if you don't, you have achieved half your failure.

David Ambrose

Consider this common-sense concept from Eastern wisdom (which is also reflected in cognitive psychology):

You are what you think. Think it today, become it tomorrow. Nothing can help you or hurt you as much as the thoughts you carry in your head.

When we believe something about ourselves, negative or positive, helpful or hurtful, we most likely will act accordingly, because the mental image we have created is what we perceive our reality to be. Why would we try something if we have convinced ourselves that we cannot do it? We will do what we think we can do and achieve what we expect ourselves to achieve - nothing more and nothing less. Our expectations and intentions are translated into our actions and we most often get the results we expect.

Walking into an exam expecting to freeze up and forget what you just learned will create anxiety about that scenario and more likely result in it actually happening. Focusing on remaining calm and clear can help achieve that alternate effect instead, because you are not intending to become anxious; you are intending to remain calm and focusing on doing so, rather than preparing for anxiety.

Walking into a job interview thinking that this employer would not hire you will most likely get you the result you expect. Approaching that same interview with a positive attitude and intending to impress the interviewer and get an offer will certainly be more likely to land you that offer. (Remember the party?)

While there is no guarantee that intending for something to happen will automatically make it so, it can certainly increase the likelihood of its happening, especially when we make a habit of it. Remember, we get better at the skills we practice — that includes our ways of thinking — what we tell ourselves about our abilities and what we focus on achieving.

Try this. Pick something at which you would like to succeed this week — anything from taking an exam to asking someone new out on a date. Ask yourself how you would normally think about the task and how equipped or prepared you are to handle it. Now, imagine how you would really like to handle it — what you want to do instead to get the results you want. Develop that scenario in your mind and approach the task with full intention of getting what you want. Practice that and just see what happens.

Plain and simple — we behave the way we think we will, and can do only what we believe we can. We can change the way we behave in any given situation and improve our skills in handling situations by visualizing what we want to do, instead of what we always did in the past that did not get us what we wanted. It takes practice and patience, but with time, a new way of thinking can have significantly improved outcomes. Just try it. What do you have to lose?